30/30 Poetry Challenge Day 13: Quiet

I don’t remember the last time my mind was 

Quiet

When the echoes of second guesses and insecurities weren’t the omnipresent soundtrack to

My days

And nights

And the moments between

Predicting the emotions and reactions of the people around me and bracing for what could be

Always aware of what I said, what I should have said and what I didn’t say all at once

Always aware of the passing of time and what I’m not doing with it and what I should be doing with it and getting upset that I’m not doing those things

Remembering all the times I’ve been mad, sad, wronged, ignored, frustrated and feeling it all again like it had happened 2 seconds ago, when in reality, it happened 2 years ago

I would spend my free time paralyzed in place 

getting turned around and tangled up in non sequitur nonsense with my problem at the core

But now 

I sit down and drink my tea and it’s

Quiet

I can form a single thought 

I can calmly pick a problem and begin to untangle the knot it’s become after years of being shoved into the back pockets of my mind

I know there are bad days to come…there will be more good days too

But right now, 

I hold onto the peace and enjoy the

Quiet

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